I'm Alive

*Written 7 June, 2011*

I'm alive. Thanks be to Buddha, I'm alive. This seems like an obvious statement, but about an hour ago, I didn't know how much longer I would be able to say that.

Today, we left for our seven day Gobi tour and were prepared for a 250 km, eight and a half hour drive into sheer nothingness.

150 km in, we looked out the window and wondered where the heck we were. There was nothing around us, no life, no gers. I felt the need to remind the universe: I'm alive.

At 245 km, we got out at Little Rock - an amazing rock formation with an abandoned Buddhist temple. Among the ruins, walking in the footsteps of men long past, I needed to remind the universe: I'm alive.

At 248 km, our van lost control going up hill and sped backwards down a rocky incline of impending doom. As we rolled back, I didn't realize quite how out of control the van was until the fear in our driver's face and body language became increasingly more apparent.. When we stopped, the driver wiping blood off of his foreheaded, I needed to remind myself: I'm alive.

250 km marked our arrival at our ger, and we were greeted by a flea infested dog and Mongolian yogurt. Considering the last yogurt I had in this country was the best I've ever tasted, I was excited. As I lifted the bowl to my mouth, my tastebuds braced themselves the way passengers on a rollercoaster do at the first steep incline. When the chunky yogurt made final impact with my tongue, I had to brace myself for something else - the taste of warm, sour, rotting eggs. I don't think my mouth will ever trust me again. But as I pretended to enjoy the single most foul tasting thing I've ever encountered, I had to remind myself that atleast I'm alive.

I'm alive. I am alive. I'm still breathing. I'm still standing.

It's not very often that we stop to recognize that we simply are alive, and what a truly great thing that is. We all have pain, we all have suffering. We all have love, and we all have joy. We all have shit to do, people to see, and places to be. We all have and we all have not. When things are rough and the going gets tough, look at yourself in the mirror, take a deep breath, and remind yourself: "I'm alive."

While our here, in the middle of open terrain, I realize just how much I'm living. I don't know where I am, I don't know where I'm going, I don't really know what's on the agenda. The only thing I know is that I'm alive (can I even really know that?) and just how wonderful it is to be breathing. I'm living for the moment, and damn it's refreshing.

PS - I'm breathing in, I'm breathing out, I'm alive again. (Listen to it.)